Today was one of those days where at the end of the day I think to myself: “Wow. I have learnt so many things today. Everything just seemed to flow and seamlessly fall into place.” Do you know what I mean? That feeling when pieces of the puzzle magically fall into place and new opportunities pop up out of nowhere. Pure bliss.
Other days (actually most days – let’s be honest) feel more like a struggle. Against time; against yourself (your fears, your personal blockages and thinking mechanisms); against some of the people around you. Just yesterday I experienced a profound shock as Andy showed me a picture he had taken of me one year ago. He showed it to me with a smile on his face, reminiscing good times. Not that I didn’t associate good memories with it, but all of a sudden I panicked: where did the time go?! Looking at myself in that picture, it seemed like it was yesterday. Yet is was a full 365 days ago.
Some days, you feel stuck in a rut, as if you were moving in slow-motion, trying to get out of the quicksand. Some days, things just don’t seem to fall into place. Some days, you feel like you are not going in the right direction (sometimes even feel you are going backwards). Yesterday was one of those days. I felt like I wasn’t moving fast enough. There she was, back on fire: Ana the judge, the self-critical and self-blaming girl, telling herself: “What the f*** did you do in a year’s time?”; “Look at the goals you had set yourself and where you are… pathetic!”; “Why didn’t you move your butt and get to where you wanted to be by now already?” As if those questions were going to help me get going.
Hopefully today, I become more and more conscious of those destructive thought processes that undermine my self-esteem and confidence. So I sat down, let my feelings emerge, cried for a while, wrote it out, took a few deep breaths and instead focused on all the great things I had accomplished in a year’s time. I took possession of that girl’s body in the picture 365 days ago and reminded myself of what she was like. In that moment I realized she had come a long way. Maybe not so much in terms of “visible”, external signs of evolution (or what we commonly refer to as “success” – but that’s another story). But definitely in terms of personal growth and mindset.
So let’s do ourselves a favour and cut us some slack. Let there be less hustling and mire aligning. It’s incredible how forceful we can be with ourselves. How much we let out lives be led by the “I should’s”, “I have to’s” and the “I need to’s” instead of letting go and going with the flow from time to time (well, ideally always but to do that you need to be accept the wave to swipe you off your feet once it comes your way as opposed to staying stuck in your head’s absurd monologues which cut you off from life’s magic).
“Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny”
To me, being aligned means listening to your heart and following it wherever it takes you. Even though that might be scary as hell and your head is screaming “Why the hell would I go and do that for? What a waste of time!” – simply because there are no immediate and tangible results for the brain to grasp.
To me, being aligned means knowing yourself, versus aspiring to be someone else. Oh how I could write a book on that one…! :p I wish everyone could take just a sip of that liberating feeling when you are connected with your innermost being, with your soul’s longings. That place where all fear fades away to give place to inner peace, quiet and the absolute confidence that everything will fall into place. Everything will be all right. You are enough. You know where you are going. Well, your heart knows. Your job is shut up your mind and follow your heart instead.
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Le Petit Prince
To me, being aligned feels like floating, like you’re truly connected to your inner self. Like you don’t give a damn about what anyone thinks because it feels right to you and to your heart. Like the whole world could be looking at you right now and you’d feel totally fine with it. Because you feel 100% free, 100% real, 100% YOU. Pretty much like I feel right now, after an amazingly aligned day, filled with magical surprises, learnings and new encounters – dancing away in front of my computer listening to this lovely mixtape transporting me into a late-night flow of writing.
So let’s grab those precious moments of “flow” and alignment and hold on to them tight because they will get us through those “other” days. Slowly but surely, life rewards us with more of the ‘awesome’ days if we get mentally fit enough and train ourselves to deserve more “aligning” and less “hustling”.
Happy aligning! Ana xxx