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Movement is my lifeline

As an anxious hyperactive from an early age, I've always had trouble sitting still or doing nothing. When I burned out in 2016, doctors and shrinks told me that practices like meditation would help, but it was no use... sitting still made me even more anxious!


I remember a yoga workshop that ended with seemingly endless cross-legged breathing exercises, during which I couldn't help but visualise what would happen if I suddenly stood up, ran, jumped and screamed in the middle of this room full of twenty or so people sitting still and silent, meditating...


In short, when I'm asked to stay still physically, my mind goes into overdrive and my imagination goes wild!


So it's hardly surprising that I started my yoga practice not with yin yoga (where you hold the same posture motionless for several minutes), but with "power yoga" - very athletic and cardio-driven.


Since then, the practices which bring me back to my body have been my lifeline when stress and anxiety overwhelm me on a daily basis. This feeling of stress and overwhelm, which has been with me from an early age, never completely disappeared... however, I have learnt to welcome it and, above all, to remain in control of my life once that all too familiar feeling swipes over me.


My parents often tell me that at the age of 4, when I was in kindergarten, I was already drawing up my "list of worries" before going to sleep. They would do their best to reassure me so that I could fall asleep.


I've always experienced intense, excessive and persistent worries and fears in the face of (mostly "mundane") everyday situations. After 20 years of trying to fit into the mould, of forcing myself and repressing my fears and overwhelming emotions, 2016 was the year when everything came to a head: I experienced repeated episodes of anxiety, intense fear, even terror, which eventually resulted in panic attacks.


Even today, at times, I still feel ashamed and deeply disappointed that I'm not "like the others", that it's so hard for me to be zen and relax, to enjoy life and allow myself moments of pure insouciance. They don't come naturally to me.


EXCEPT… when I'm on my mat,

or in nature,

in motion.

Then I forget everything.

And I reconnect to the only place where I feel deeply safe and at peace:


My body,

In the company of my breath,

The beat of my heart,

The presence of my muscles and joints,

always there to support me,

day after day.


Over the years of practice, my mind learned to calm down thanks to the restored mind-body connection which had been totally broken. I later realised that my stress level had been so high for so long that I had totally dissociated myself from my body in order to "survive" and "function" in the corporate environment in which I was desperate to perform.


I've always had trouble answering the question "How do you feel?", and I've always had trouble speaking and expressing myself verbally when it comes to talking about myself. I still sometimes remain silent during conversations, to feel safe or to pass unnoticed.


Re-establishing a sense of security in the body is what helped me to get out of this state of stuckness, of self-effacement, of withdrawal from life. Before these body-healing practices, I had the impression of being separated and living outside the world around me. I could no longer feel my emotions or my body.


If you feel :

✨ At the end of your rope and like you can never relax

✨ Anxious or stressed out

✨ Always tired and have trouble sleeping

✨ You have digestive problems

✨ Unresolved chronic pain

✨ Concentration problems

✨ Emotional ups and downs It's likely that, like me, your nervous system is dysregulated and secreting too much cortisol. ‍


I invite you to join me on Youtube or Instagram for some simple exercises that will help you come back to yourself and restore a sense of inner security and calm.


Little by little your path will clear, I promise.


Take care 💙


 

Youtube Flow of the Week 🎥


Join me on Youtube for a 10-minute moving meditation that will help you calm your mind and immerse yourself in your body


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