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If only I had realised...

... that it wasn't by continuing to judge myself, to push myself, to punish myself that I was going to get out of this exhaustion, this state of chronic fatigue and weariness.

In 2016 I changed everything in my outside world: I quit my job, stopped giving dance lessons (thinking that my passion was contributing to my lack of energy), changed country... (kept the same man though ;)

I thought that by changing and eliminating all the energy-guzzling elements in my life, I'd feel better; I thought that the 'big bad wolf' was outside me...

...but that was just an escape.


I can see myself in many of my clients who go from one job to another thinking that things will get better, that "this time around things will be good". But I can already tell you that this won't be the case.


Because the root of your questioning, of that little voice that yearns for a different life and different sensations, lies INSIDE.


And when your inner world remains the same, no matter how much you turn it upside down and change it on the outside - nothing helps.


When you continue to criticise yourself, for what you do, how you do it or what you don't do that you should have done...


When you continue to judge yourself, to be hard on yourself for having got where you are, to want to perform / please / keep going at all costs (namely your physical and mental health!)...

When you continue to carry around that enormous rucksack (which you also perhaps bring up once a week at a shrink's just so you can continue to plunge into the past rather than starting to imagine the future you want)...


When you allow your mind to invest its time and energy in creating the worst possible scenarios for every little annoyance, when something bothers you and worries you...

... Then nothing will change.


The real change, the real healing, happens on the inside. Absolutely nothing that happens outside of you can bring you the security and inner peace you secretly dream of.


Because behind the house of your dreams, the job of your dreams, the relationship of your dreams... lies quite simply an enormous need for security.

But the real security, the real well-being, the real serenity, the real fulfilment, the real healing... starts inside you (yes, I know, it's very annoying to hear...!).


It took me a long time to understand it, to integrate it into my cells, to experience it.

Einstein said: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result".


So please be indulgent with yourself,

Be kind,

Accept your limits and stop always wanting to push them back, to always expect yesterday's results, to be eternally dissatisfied with yourself.

It's OK to rest, to take the time you need.

Like the tree, like the flower -

Trust that your time will come, your spring will arrive... if you dare to spend the winter taking care of yourself.


Ready when you are.


Love & Light,

Ana


Cover photo by Taton Moïse on Unsplash


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